I feel like all I do is work work work.  Of course, that’s essentially bullshit considering that in the last month I’ve been to 4 different countries, hand-fed lions and tigers, and partied so hard on a work night that I sent drunk texts that said “Fuck fyckerfuckmering motherficje_ng”, “Where I is yourour” “Hijnarhqn” and  ”Olive yoy” (because I was so thrashed that couldn’t even get “I love you” right).  And yet, somehow I feel like all I do is work.

I think it’s just the whole “no sex life” thing that’s driving me crazy.  God, what a weak-ass addiction sex is.  I can fly all over the world and have incredible adventures and be totally insane, drunk and quite possibly irradiated, but the lack of some cock in my life makes me feel like nothing worthwhile is going on?  That is just retarded.

To be honest, I am working a hell of a lot lately, though.

My birthday is in a couple of weeks and I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.  Last year’s pretty much sucked, and I’m not really looking forward to turning 35, so…not holding on to any high hopes for this one, either.  Christmas?  I’ll probably be working (even though I have the entire week off).  NYE…I know who I’ll be with, but not where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing.  I’ll be in Alaska over Thanksgiving, which should be an interesting experience.  It’s already down to 6 degrees Fahrenheit in Anchorage.  I’ve never even felt what 6 degrees is like, and being from California certainly doesn’t help acclimatize to such an extreme, but I’m always down for the sheer experience.  Hah, I just checked the weather report up there and apparently it “feels” like -9 F up there right now.  Whoa.

Making some initial plans for next fall to go cage diving with great white sharks with Star off the coast of San Francisco, where there is a huge population of them.  I should probably learn how to dive first (my one experience with it was epic fail and ended with me being buried face-down in the sand in Hawaii after reaching total muscle failure) but I’ve got almost a year in which to do so.  We talked about going far north and trying to see the northern lights, which she hasn’t managed to see yet and I’ve always wanted to do, too.  Antarctica was also discussed, but now I may be getting ahead of myself on the time/money issue. I’ll avoid any place that has hot weather and a large insect population, but the idea of freezing to death or being eaten by sharks bothers me not at all.  In general though, nobody could ever say I lack for guts, eh?

Is it slightly obvious that I’m attempting to shift my focus on life from the emotional/sexual and onto more awesome things?  Problem is that it’s like quitting heroin, or worse, like trying to make heroin into a casual thing.  Some people do extreme sports, I do extreme emotional trauma.  Gay, but true.  It’s my rush.  But there has got to be better out there…because love and sex have done me no good at all through the course of my life.  And as much as I enjoy it, I can’t spend the rest of my life reading and playing video games and gorging myself on potato chips and pork products.  Since I suck utterly at anything even resembling a middle ground…sharks!  Missile silos!  Nuclear reactors!  Tigers!  Oh my!

Maybe this is my midlife crisis.