As a general rule, I am a pretty mellow person.  I’m easy to annoy, but hard to anger (though that anger flares up like a 5-megaton warhead when it appears), and I am rarely ever truly just in a shitty mood.  That might seem odd to people who don’t know me in real life since I tend to only post about sex and anger, but nevertheless it’s true.

The last few months, though, have showed an uncomfortable trend in myself.  As is the way with gradual changes, it’s not something I’ve really noticed all at once.  First it was just sort of being more uncomfortable around people than usual, then this sense of overheating, nervous tremors, muscle tension and occasional spasm, impatience beyond my normal lack thereof, major sleep problems, and now this feeling like I’ve had too much caffeine even if I haven’t had anything with caffeine in it that day.  I’ve also been incredibly antisocial and even less motivated than usual.  I view the idea of going out with a certain amount of stress.

Basically, I’m suffering from anxiety with no specific cause.  I’m not usually prone to that so that’s a bit weird for me, but I guess the events of the last 6 months, and the fallout of the previous year, have sort of cumulatively left me in something of a fucked up state.  It’s nothing super major, but it is uncomfortable as hell.  Medicating it out of existence is out of the question as I generally avoid medication (except sleep meds, because for my entire life I have never been able to sleep during normal hours), and anti-anxiety medication, when taken for too long, tends to lead to…anxiety!  Isn’t that some fucked up shit?  :O

So as of this week I’m going to try wearing myself out.  I recently bought 10 introductory courses to Krav Maga, so I’ll start doing that.  Physically draining myself, and perhaps watching my diet somewhat, will probably clear my head and milk some of the pent up aggression in me.  God, I hate being active, I’d much prefer to lie about being a lazy antisocial fuck  in my free time.  But, such is life.  Cuz seriously, this anxiety shit is for the birds.